The life I would have liked to of had with you.  But I am broken and trying to fix myself on my own, it is hard and I have to fix myself on my own...  I don't even know if you were ever a possibility in reality.  But I had to try and tell you something.. 

Perhaps I need(ed) someone a little emotionally stronger than me to help me put myself back together into a better man.  But  I  don't know what I am really doing any more...

I just felt I had to tell you something.

 Another day , another hour, all my brain does is torment and ponder. 

I walk around with nice clothes on, my hair comed, my mustache trimmed and my face shaved,  yet inside I am a screaming mess,  waiting for something to happen in my environment, someone to cause a fight some where about anything, so I can just finally explode and let all the rage loose, let all my anixety,fear,frustration,worry, hopes and dreams just let loose .. and when the dust settles the blood dries up and everyone gets hauled off... someone stops and asks me , who are you and what happened.

taking aim at the usual aim takers, these excerpts give ammo to the underdog and thier fledgling communities; and not merely for reform distraction--for authentic liberation strategy!

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I like to call it "IT" and "IT" started in 1992 and I was diagnosed and labeled Bi-Polar in 1996.  The "chemical imbalance" motto ran it's course with the prescriptions. In the fall of 1999 the ground beneath me fell away as the world around me shattered. The year 2000 was the darkest year in my life thus far, turning thirty-three felt like I died and became a different creature.  This is where the title of the post comes in, the only evil ONE that I have ever known is my own "EGO" and "Page" was the way to beat it. "Page" evetually brought harmony and balance to my mind. My heart is different and so is my mind, it feels like much weight has been relieved and it's now light.

Having an enemy as a new friend is the ultimate victory and there is much to fill between the lines but I'm glad to have reached this first step.